I have no idea how this works. I have no idea what to say or how to say it.. i don’t even know if I even EXIST in his mind. What am I doing! Shut UP Lain! Lainie fought the urge to completely bow to her ever looming emotions as she listened to Ben tell about his stressful day from across the table.
Realizing she had been in a daze just looking at him, she quickly took a long gulp of her latte and pretended to look passed him out the window.
“Lain, are you even listening to me?” Ben asked. “I feel like you have been somewhere else for the past 10 minutes. What is so interesting?” Ben quickly twisted his body around to follow her gaze.
Just you. Lainie said in her head.
“Nothing. Some guy with a crazy hat walked by,” she said as she took another long swallow of heated foam.
Ben looked at her with an interrogating stare, looked one last time out the window, and continued his story again.
Oh, God, this is awful! How in the world am I going to live through this? My heart feels like it’s in a million knots. Why did my boss think it was a great idea to put us together on project? Thanks Rich! Lainie felt like she couldn’t take it anymore and their proposal deadline wasn’t for another two weeks.
“Lainie is there something on your mind?” Ben asked. “You seemed like you wanted to say something, and I wanted to clear the air before we get started.”
“No. I’m okay. Can we just get started?” Lainie shuffled through her bag and pulled out her portfolio.
“No? Really? I know this is kind of crazy and weird. I feel it too, ya know. You don’t have to pretend.”
What? Am I really hearing him right? Lainie, snap OUT of it seriously!
“I am not trying to hide anything. I mean of course it’s awkward, but I was just hoping to push past that,” Lainie, trying desperately to steer the conversation to professional interests, handed over a few sketches for a PR design.
Ben ignored the sketches as he tried to read her thoughts, “It wasn’t my plan. I didn’t go into it knowing that would happen.”
Lainie stopped moving as she felt her entire body go numb.
She thought of this moment a hundred times, and now finally the words in her head were coming out of her mouth.
“What is ‘it’ exactly? Me personally or our so called ‘relationship’? Seriously Ben? I hope you didn’t go into it knowing that you would cheat on me with my best friend. I hope you two are very happy together. I hope that the depths of your cold hearts are satisfying some preverbal sweet tea you have going on. Not only that but you invited me to the stupid wedding! THE WEDDING, that was supposed to be ours!”
“I felt horrible, Lain I really did. Please, can you forgive me? Can we start over…”
“Oh, I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I trust you or want you in my life,” Lainie said packing up her things into her bag. “I’ll call Rich right now and tell him to move me to another architect.”
She stood to walk away as Ben stood up to stop her.
“Lainie don’t…”
She didn’t even hear what else he had to say. Tears were starting to cloud her vision. She didn’t even see him run out after her without looking for vehicles. She didn’t see the accident, all she could see was a ring. Gold in color. Resting on a left hand that wasn’t holding hers.
Learning as I go Along... 